Strategic Monk
People tell me that I am a good listener. I think what they mean is that I pay attention, I try not to get distracted. I have had people tell me that I am the only person who ever listens to them.
Some people think that “listening” is waiting for the person who is talking to take a breath so they can interrupt them. Listening is their opportunity to think of what they want to say next.
I used to understand “listening” as giving people the opportunity to answer the questions I asked them; often so they could incriminate themselves. I was paying attention to their words, trying to find inconsistencies or weak spots I could use against them. That was particularly, but not only, true when I was arguing against them in court.
Listening carefully can be very challenging. There are almost always things to distract us. We live in a time when silence is scarce. Loud noises, music in the background, other conversations, sights and scents that demand our attention, the need for rest; all these things and more call our attention away from listening.
For me, the most distracting things come from within myself. Someone tells me something that triggers a memory, a strong feeling; I can relate to them well, or not at all. Something they say reminds me that I need to do something, call someone, go somewhere; I want to remember, but I also want to remain present to them.
That is a lot of what listening is; being present to someone in the moment. it is, in many ways, the opposite of waiting for them to finish talking, or guiding them strategically to where I want them to go. Listening is about being myself in the present, not the past or the future.
The first words in the Prologue to Saint Benedict’s Rule, which governs many monastic communities and was written about sixteen hundred years ago, are “Listen carefully.”
How will you listen carefully to someone today?
Image by [MattHurst]
